Wednesday 18 June 2008

Good staff are hard to find




The Countess has always said that she could never replace me. She values my dedication, my hard work, honesty and dilligence. And frankly, I'm cheap. What do you do when you're a vampire and can potentially live forever? That's a lot of staff interviews you have to go through every 40 or 50 years. So, Milady has decided she's going to save herself a lot of time, (and a bob or two in the process) and drain me.









In case you're unfamiliar with the ways of the Vampire, let me elucidate. Vampires need blood to live. They bite a person, puncturing an artery in the process, and drink... and drink...... and drink. Sometimes, they just have a 'nip' (Vampire humour), and only take about a quarter of a litre, but other times, they'll go the whole hog and drain them dry. Rather than a dry husk being left on the floor, the drained person actually experiences a white flash and sense of euphoria, and is then a revenant. This is what Milady has in mind for me.... long lasting servant, all undead, but no craving for blood, hence: no competition.







As you can see by the marks on my neck, she's sampled the stock before. But this time, it all goes. Now, just to give you some more information that might come in useful later, if Milady were to feed me some transformed blood (blood taken from a human, and then changed in the vampire's system) known as vital blood, I could then go on to become a vampire myself. But I'd need a lot of this. In fact I'd need all that was taken, put back. A whole 5 litres. There would then be lots of black and red clouds floating about me, and poof! A vampire!






BUT... if I had a little vital blood from her, and then she took all of it back.... that's when you end up with the drained husk on the floor.



Look at her, she is beautiful. There has got to be worse things in this world than having a really beautiful aristocratic vampire biting your neck and sucking at your blood. I had adored her for years at this point, I'd started in her service as a young man and devotedly gone about my duties... and now she was going to hold me, very, very close indeed. Those lovely lips were going to brush against my ear, her breath would tease the goosebumps up on my neck. I'd smell her perfume, look into the beautiful big blue eyes and feel the ultimate high when she bit on my neck. Of course, it would have been nice had she done this years ago, and then I would have remained a young man... but, better late than never. Bite me you wonderful creature, bite me!




A pain then pierces my chest, and having witnessed this so many times before, I knew what was happening. She was using her spike, and would drain the blood from me more quickly, and a LOT less intimately. Blast.



Her nose pressed against my head, my blood pumped through the spike and into a tube which fed straight into her arm, and the process was well under way. I started to feel light-headed, and although I was starting to faint, I felt sure I heard her say "Dear, sweet Janus... " but then, I fainted and knew no more, until I reawoke, a revenant.

1 comment:

Rhianon Jameson said...

"There has got to be worse things in this world than having a really beautiful aristocratic vampire biting your neck and sucking at your blood." Well, now that you mention it, that does sound quite nice, doesn't it?

I look forward to your further insights, sir - most informative indeed!